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MIA – Missing In Action

“Only as high as I can reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be. ” ~Karen Ravn

Time does fly – on turbo jets!  I have not entered a blog post since summer.  Now I understand the facebook picture circulating of me as a missing person…

AWOL – absence without leave.  My body (bunkmate), left my life over two decades ago taking with it unhindered mobility, physical freedom, unlimited choices.  I was abandoned in the “you will never get out” boot camp of chronic illness – alone with (hushed whisper), Drill Sgt. Stiff Person Syndrome and Lt. Diabetes.

Somehow I adjust or take my licks, but I am still a defiant recruit.  With Sgt. SPS, you never want to hear “drop and give me…” or “move it!”  I am still learning about Sgt. SPS, his prominent role in my life, and boundaries.  With determination, response to meds, effort, and time, I am given precious furloughs – “me” time.  Boundaries can sometimes be breached in quirky creative ways.

In 2010, I opted for intensive training, a two-year introspection/restructuring of my life… equal to the grueling Navy Seal “Hell Week.”  I worked on my mind, healing my spirit, challenging my body.  This year, my furloughs have been diverse and far-reaching.  Time has gotten away from me, but not life.

From travels to Tampa and Savannah, Blue Ridge Mountains to the Rockies, Atlantic Ocean to the Great Lakes, most included family and friends.  Gym workouts, community classes, church, scavenger shopping, dinner outings, and various misadventures – correlated around my demanding medical schedule – captured by life.

With a blessed heart, I realized a dream – worth the fall, fatigue, re-energized arm neuropathy, and aching muscles… 2012 – my “tween” year.  So… my email is a dusty pile, my syndrome advocacy has stalled, and my blogs have been neglected because I have been MIA – missing in action.

In times of restful silence, my thoughts (and aches), view my Christmas tree with future dreams and reflective gratitude… “in spite of.”

Copyright © 2012

The Love Of A Younger Man

“You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person.” ~Unknown

His hands gently cup my face as he looks into my eyes, then softly kisses my lips. Complete acceptance of me in spite of my illnesses and my disability, asking nothing of me but to be loved in return. Hugging me in a tight squeeze, he whispers in my ear, “I love you, Grandma.”

I spent a magical week with my six-year-old grandson. Broken seashells on the beach, the wonder of seagulls, squeals of laughter at incoming surf, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, a swamp tour, alligators, shared bowls of popcorn, Lego creations, a movie date at McDonalds followed with Alice In Wonderland – 3D.

Wanting to cuddle and sleep with me at night, his sprinting thoughts were voiced in excited chatter and questions…endless questions, fired with machine gun velocity. What does “blink of an eye” mean? What is traffic?

Why do you use a cane? What is insulin? Does it make you better? Does it hurt? I answer his genuine concerns with honesty. Snuggling close, I feel his love for me and express my love for him.

What is a blink of an eye? This special week with you. Does it hurt? Yes.

Copyright © 2010