“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”
Thursday was my last practice run. Checking the clock, 4:00 gave me ample time to drive to my outdoor training ground and back home before dark. My heart sank as I did my routine blood check before leaving — 54 and dropping. Turning off my insulin pump, I ate a snack, but needed additional sugar for the carb expenditure of exercise.
Topping off my tank with a protein bar, two Reese cups, and two boxes of apple juice, I did not have time to allow my food to settle before the sun set. Starting with a brisk walk escalating into my geriatric trot, the contents of my stomach were a nauseating reminder. “In spite of” the hypoglycemic episode, I finished in an impressive time for me with a glucose reading of 115.
Today was busyness. A lengthy errand involved a trip into the city and dealing with the mayhem of getting my race packet. Fate smiled on me with a close parking spot. The Donna Deegan Marathon for Breast Cancer is a national event. The Convention Center was jammed with various aisles and booths, colors, people, and noise everywhere — a continual movement of pastel confetti to my syndrome perception.
There will be over 1,000 runners in the 5K, more participants in the marathon and half-marathon. Excitement and camaraderie reverberated throughout the building… Every person, a story. How appropriate this race is for me, for Stiff Person Syndrome, paraneoplastic syndromes, Rare Disease Day.
I wavered between angst and excitement all during the day, my neurons subtly firing with medicated suppressed “snap, crackle, and pop.” Several times I practiced a deep inhale, slow exhale to calm my racing heart. With the familiar security of my jogging stroller navigating me through the crowd, it gave me a sense of calming confidence.
Before SPS, the racing “if” always concerned time. Since SPS, the big “if” has become if I will be able to do it. Tomorrow morning will involve planning the timing of my medication, food intake, packing my medical supplies, and anticipating having fun.
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