Archive | February 22, 2012

Risk To Bloom

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Annais Nin

Viciously gutted from my life was physical ability, independence, my identity and sense of worth with the diagnosis of Stiff Person Syndrome. Guilt consumed me at the burden I believed I had become. Damaged. I further erroded my worth by living to please, ‘earning’ undeserved love. This misguided self-perception was reinforced by relevant others.

Years passed. In the darkness of my silent apathy, a spark of Debbie ignited a few smoldering embers of forgotten self. I mattered. I have feelings. I have a life. Sharing an address is not sharing a life. I reclaimed me from imposed indebtedness. I took the risk to bloom.

I still live as a physical hostage to SPS, but there is such an inner freedom to live as Debbie, ‘keeping it real.’

Not quite on my own.

“Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand.” ~Psalms 73:23

“The time will come when, with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror, and each will smile at the other’s welcome and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was yourself. Give wine, Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life. Whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart.”

Copyright © 2012