September 20, 2010
“It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts.” ~K.T. Jong
I am so angry and furious…with me. SPS is a fence that creates a physical boundary. I make promises to myself about moving forward, but find myself running around in my enclosure yapping without purpose to the world outside of the fence. It is so easy to drown in the comfort of familiarity, life’s roles of wife, mother, child, or patient.
I have been relatively quiet lately, pondering my life (again), and coming to the conclusion I have neglected me immersed in my roles, misguided sense of duty, and just plain laziness.
I have been going to a gym for a few months, dusting off some old sneakers while I creak, groan, and sweat in pathetic moves, but in a jubilant triumph of “doing.” It feels good. 😉 Now, to explore the world outside of the comfort of family and home. It is a course I keep taking over and over again…guts and fortitude.
I am tired of being a medical chart number, known by the formal “Debra” on my birth certificate instead of the friendly “Deb” or “Debbie,” my identity before SPS. It is time to silence my daily yapping at the outside world and listen to the whisperings of my heart. I may find a gate. 😉
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